Dr. Goschi's Blog

Stages of Sex Addiction

Posted on August 13, 2018 at 3:45 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Addiction Therapy Chicago, Cyber-sex addiction Counseling Chicago, Individual Coaching & Counseling

Process addictions, in particular sex addiction, causes much confusion.  People tend to lump those individuals who act out sexually as “sex addicts.”  Or, even put sex offenders and the paraphillias in the same category as sex addicts.  There is a huge difference. Sexual addiction is defined as a loss of control, having a negative impact on your life, developing a tolerance for the behavior, denying it’s a problem, and blaming others for your acting out.  Individual therapy helps define whether the person is struggling with an addiction and if they require the help of therapy to recapture their lives.

According to many expert’s sex addiction/process addictions can be broken down into discrete stages.  The individual struggling with an addiction moves through these various stages one after the other often feeling trapped.  One stage feeds into the next causing a negative spiral of emotions and inappropriate behaviors often leading to self-loathing.

Robert Weiss in his “Sex Addiction 101” book outlines the various stages of sex addiction.  Many addicts share these six stages. The first stage is the triggers. Triggers are those actions, thoughts, places, visual cues, even smells which act as catalysts for the inappropriate behavior.  Emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, anxiety and loneliness can also be powerful triggers.

The second stage involves fantasizing about past encounters and the enjoyable memories.  These thoughts become obsessional over time growing in strength. Individual therapy helps the person explore the reasons for the fantasies while coming up with strategies to stop them.

Stage three involves ritualizing the sexual acting out.  Fantasy begins to dictate behavior. The addict goes to their favorite bar or begins looking at postings on Craig’s list.  The addict describes this experience as lost in a bubble without concerns for the real world or their action’s consequences.

Acting out occurs in stage four.  The addict perceives this stage as the most desired aspect of the addiction.   The individual consummates the sexual act. But, the addict really desires escape and dissociation.  The sexual enactment ends the fantasy abruptly.

This sudden end leads directly to stage five.  During this phase the addict feels numb attempting to distance themselves from what has just taken place.  Justification or even blame enters the addict’s language. Individual therapy helps the addict stop blaming others or justifying their behavior rather than taking full responsibility for their actions.

The last stage of sex addiction results in self-loathing and other terrible emotions including shame, guilt, anxiety and depression.  At this point they may seek individual treatment given the hopelessness they feel. Or, it may simple foster a repeat of the process all over again.  Individual therapy can help break the cycle for the addict, so they can gain some true insight and alternative ways of coping with the disruptive triggers that begin the cycle.

If you or a loved one are struggling with a sex addiction don’t hesitate to call or email Dr. Goschi at (312)595-1787 or barbara@drgoschi.com.  Your healing can begin today!

Addiction and Motivation

Posted on August 1, 2018 at 6:32 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Addiction Therapy Chicago, Sex Therapy Counseling

Some clinicians question whether “process addictions,” such as sex addictions, qualify instead as compulsions. The person struggling with sex addiction, for example, needs to find the appropriate motivation to change their compulsive behavior. The individual eventually acknowledges the extreme consequences of their actions. At this point the person wants to change. Individual therapy helps one successfully master these life changes.

Roman Gelperin in his 2017 book, “Addiction Procrastination and Laziness,” states the desire to engage in an inappropriate behavior outweighs the behavior’s negative outcome. The positive outcome of resisting the behavior does not provide enough incentive to stop. Resisting the behavior often leads to mounting sadness, anxiety or anger causing extreme discomfort. The distressed person may choose a new behavior or resort to their “tried and true” maladaptive behavior. Damn the consequences at least for one more time!

Gelperin links the “fundamental human compulsion to an increase in pleasure and decrease in displeasure.” In my opinion this seems a bit simplistic. Soothing a severe negative emotion requires more than increasing pleasure. Perhaps people prone to compulsive behaviors exhibit an inability to tolerate bad feelings for any length of time.

According to the author, appealing to a person’s logical self helps unlock their ability to change behavior. Guilt and remorse often becomes a strong motivating force for change. However, the intensity of the guilt must be large enough to stop the individual from engaging in the negative behavior. Compulsive sexual actions are particularly vulnerable to this process as the pleasure may outweigh the guilt.

What must a person do to change their compulsive behavior? The author outlines various approaches. Each approach provides the individual opportunity for change. A patient must actively engage the following actions to make lasting changes. Each action involves a conscious choice by the individual.

Form new habits by replacing the inappropriate action with a healthier behavior. The new behavior provides a similar outcome with positive consequences. For example, if you suffer from anxiety, engage in physical activity rather than viewing pornography.

Control your environment by making changes. If your compulsive behavior begins with hanging out with coworkers after work, then go directly home or straight to the gym. Look for proactive ways to make sure you avoid those surroundings which increase the likelihood of engaging in your temptations.

Employ social motivation to improve the likelihood of change. Individual therapy can assist by holding you accountable to another person. Maintaining an open and honest demeanor helps you examine what triggers and motivates your inappropriate actions.

Using guided imagery in individual therapy helps practice new behaviors. The power of imagination can help you visualize engaging in more appropriate behaviors while resisting negative ones. It also gives you the opportunity to deal with any powerful emotions which arise during the exercise while in the safety of an individual session.

Struggling with compulsive/addictive behaviors greatly interferes with achieving your potential. If you suffer with addictive behaviors please don’t hesitate to call for help. Individual therapy helps begin the process of change. Call or email Dr. Goschi today at (312)595-1787 or barbara@drgoschi.com.

Addiction and the Other

Posted on July 23, 2018 at 2:57 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Addiction Therapy Chicago

We seem to exclusively talk about the addict when addressing any addiction, whether it is alcohol, sex, opioids or even social media addictions. In our conversations about the sex addict or alcoholic we forget about “the other.” I’m referring to the family member, wife, child, sibling, or significant other, who often silently deals with the antics of the addict.

“The other” often suffers the most from the addiction. Siblings of an addict witness countless tumultuous events in their lives. Many times the family member’s home life was turned upside down by the addict. These individuals replay stories over and over in their heads. They talk about Holidays during which the day was going well until the addict “ruined” everything. Their memories of the Holiday remain filled with conflict rather than fond recollections and laughter.

The wife, husband, sibling, girlfriend or boyfriend never know what to expect. This makes life so very difficult for all of those around the addict. Their lives are never predictable. They cannot bring friends home because you never know who you are going to get. Thus, the stress levels for everyone else are so very high that home is no longer a soothing environment. Instead, “the other” may prefer to be outside of the home as much as possible.

Fighting is only one part of it. It also involves blame and icy cold relationships as well. Whether sex addiction, alcohol addiction, the addict initially refuses to take responsibility for his or her own actions. Rather, everyone else is the reason why the addict over indulges. On the other hand, apologies might happen and then “the other” feels guilty for having been so hard on the addict.

However we look at this it’s never about “the other.” The addict sucks up all of the oxygen in the room. Either it’s through their outrageous antics, their incredible moodiness, or when they begin recovery it’s all about them. The meetings, the individual therapy, the extreme changes to their life style which again can have a huge impact on the other. You may ask yourself when does this personal hell end? Attending Al Anon meetings helps. Working the 12 steps can be very helpful as well.

“The other” has lived in isolation for so long that reaching out for Individual therapy yourself in conjunction with Alanon can be extremely beneficial. Therapy is a place where it is finally about you not the sex addict or alcoholic. You can say or feel whatever you want and someone will listen to you. You can talk about how crazy your life has felt and receive validation rather than scorn. You can talk about why you’ve stayed and why you still want to stay rather than having someone question you and constantly tell you that you should leave. Individual therapy is finally that place where you can grow as an individual, become the person you have long desired to be without judgment.

If you are finding yourself in the grips of an addictive relationship call to schedule your individual therapy appointment today. Dr. Goschi is there to help. You can reach her at (312)595-1787 or by email at barbara@drgoschi.com.

Stress, Pot and Addiction

Posted on July 16, 2018 at 9:02 pm in Addictions Counseling, Anger Anxiety Counseling Chicago, Anxiety Counseling, Depression Counseling Chicago, Individual Coaching & Counseling, Individual Counseling

Stress, Pot and Addiction

New research in the journal of Abnormal Psychology (May, 2018) highlights how heavy marijuana users deal with stress. Chronic pot smoking leads to an overreaction to stressful situations. Research found that these individuals easily became stressed and unable to problem solve versus moderate consumers. Most pot smokers say they smoke pot to “relax” or escape a stressful job. Perhaps recreational marijuana consumption leads to relaxation but not habitual heavy use.

Researchers Hefner et al from University of Wisconsin in Madison found heightened startle responses to even the anticipation of stress among heavy marijuana users. Heavy pot usage involved daily use sometimes as much as twice a day. This finding contradicts self-reports from fifty percent of pot users that claim marijuana reduces their stress. Why is this important? Because, addiction relapse for many addicts can be traced to the person’s inability to manage stress.

Hefner et al reported physiological responses in abusers. They claim “heavy and chronic (marijuana) use contributes to heightened behavioral and affective response(s) to stressors via central nervous system…” Indeed, these “stress neuroadaptations” result in poor emotional reactions to stress. Maladaptive responses escalate even more when the individual stops using the drug. Heavy marijuana abuse leads to long term changes in the users central nervous system. This implies that the addict won’t cope well with stress going forward until they make some serious and lasting changes to their lives.

The research supports using the word addict to describe the heavy marijuana abuser as they show signs of addiction. Many debates insist that marijuana does not possess addictive properties. Yet, withdrawal from pot shares many similarities to other addictions, “marijuana withdrawal syndrome … involves increased affective symptoms (irritability, anger or aggression, nervousness or anxiety)…” It becomes a viscous cycle for the abuser, one of an inability to cope with stress leading to mounting stress resulting in increased drug usage. Minimal indulgence in marijuana (only occasional use), did not show greater reactivity to stress.

How can individual therapy help the marijuana abuser/addict? Therapists should help the individual identify personal stressors. These events may involve finances, housing and/or relationships. Therapy should target these stressors by teaching better coping skills to minimize the impact of the stressor. Individual addiction therapy helps individuals “reshape” their environment while maximizing lifes predictability. Attending NA meetings and working the 12 steps is enormously beneficial in maintaining sobriety. Individual therapy assists the individual work through fears and anxiety which trigger the addictive response.

If you are struggling with addiction Dr. Goschi can help. Call today to set up your individual appointment at (312)595-1787 or email at barbara@drgoschi.com.

Sunday Scaries

Posted on July 6, 2018 at 3:27 pm in Anxiety Counseling, Depression Counseling Chicago, Money and Power Issues Counseling, Personal growth Chicago
PHOTO CREDIT: heartmanblog.com

PHOTO CREDIT: heartmanblog.com

Sunday Scaries By Victoria Mooncotch

The Sunday Scaries are a relatively new brand of anxiety developing in young adults after the freedom of the weekend. Usually coupled with a hangover and lack of memory from the night before, millennials fuel the Scaries with anxiety about the upcoming week questioning: “What am I even doing with my life?” Like clockwork the first day of the week causes an uproar in online posts that are paired with funny memes or gifs, creating a slight confusion on whether The Scaries are just a comical social media fad or if they should be listed in the DSM-5. Bukowski, a poet widely known for being extremely pessimistic, might have gotten something right when he said “Sundays kill more men than bombs” with this one. If the overindulging causes strife and worry perhaps individual therapy can help curb your alcohol induced anxiety. The joy can stay in Sunday Funday!

Psychology Today online cites anxiety as “anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, just the thought of getting through the day.” Sounds similar, doesn’t it? The Sunday Scaries are the anticipation of the week to come that is infiltrated with worry, irrational curiosity, and an inability to complete ordinary tasks. This brand of severe anxiety even robs you of your ability to focus. Grandex Labs, who has a once a week podcast on the topic, has described the feeling as “Knowing you can do everything right, but still having a dark cloud of ‘What the hell is going on’ hanging over your head.” This can lead to some major questioning of individual happiness. The key to answering those major questions might just be to outline the difference between anticipation and anxiety. When you lead with anticipation you’re ready to take the Sunday bull by the horns, but when you lead with anxiety you’ll sow self-doubt into everything you do. Again, talking in counseling helps to not only lift your mood but also your self-esteem.

While it might be easier to hide raw emotions behind a funny meme, it’s time to get serious on how we deal with anxiety. Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the U.S., yet less than 40% receive individual counseling (ADAA). Not to mention a hard night of binge drinking doesn’t really help the issue either. If you are having a hard time identifying what leads you to happiness or a path for knowing what is actually going on, it’s time to seek help! Individual therapy gives you someone on the outside of it all who will help you explore and answer all of those irrational questions Sunday makes you ask. You won’t only feel that dark cloud of the unknown start to dissipate, you’ll also uncover and get through what all that anxiety is really about. Although there may be comfort in knowing you’re not the only one online having a case of the Sunday Scaries, you won’t be alone in facing them with a therapist either. See, Sunday isn’t so scary after all. Dr. Goschi can help call to schedule a meeting at (312)595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com

Suicide

Posted on June 14, 2018 at 2:29 pm in Anger Anxiety Counseling Chicago, Depression Counseling Chicago, Divorce and Infidelity Counseling, Individual Coaching & Counseling

Suicide

The focus moves to depression and suicide after Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain took their lives.  But, the suicide rate has been going up steeply since 2008 and no one really talks about it. The British Journal of Psychiatry posted an article on January 2, 2018  written by Reeves, McKee and Stuckler talking about the 10,000 suicides related to the job losses and overall bad economy during the recession between 2008 and 2010. Somehow this disturbing information was mostly ignored.  Stuckler also discussed an alarming trend that talked about all mental health issues rising.

People don’t like to talk about mental health very much until some tragedy occurs.  I’ve seen this avoidant pattern for the 30 years that I’ve been treating couples and individuals.  Seeking individual therapy for depression, anxiety or some other issues can result in the individual feeling ashamed.  Individual’s worry about the stigma of seeking individual psychotherapy.

In this age of eating healthy and working out it still seems like people at large don’t focus as much on mental health.  We should speak more openly and encourage our friends struggling with depression to seek individual treatment. However, it can be awkward to speak with a friend about their mental health issues.  It feels like a boundary intrusion. We might even hope that the pain goes away once the person gains some distance from the seeming catalyst, such as a death or loss of job.

Some people experience unrelenting depression unrelated to a specific catalyst.  Despite the individual’s life seeming wonderful they still cannot experience joy.  Even a bad hamburger in an airport could trigger a relentless depressive episode for Anthony Buordain.  Peter Splendorio quoted Bourdain in his June 8, 2018 Daily news article as saying “It’s a hamburger but not a good one.  Suddenly, I look at the hamburger and I find myself in a spiral of depression that lasts for days.” Clinicians understand this symptom as anhedonia.  Anhedonia is the inability to feel joy over life events which would usually bring one pleasure.

In these instances, family and friends find it hard to be around their loved one who cannot experience joy.  It can be exhausting and stressful to always worry about your family member. If the person tries to put on a happy face in front of everyone it will cause further stress.  The person’s moods come crashing down when they get home. Couples and family therapy help the family members and spouses of such individual’s develop empathy and understanding for toward their loved one.

Our culture demands quick fixes.  Just take a pill and it will alleviate your woes.  Depressive symptoms respond well to medication. However, meds should never be prescribed without the therapeutic relationship to back them up.  Individual counseling augments the beneficial effects of psychotropic meds. If you take antidepressants, for example, you should also see a therapist in individual therapy weekly.  Seriously, no less! Your therapist develops an intimate relationship with you. They have eyes on their patients. The therapist often sees when things start going wrong.

Bottom line is that individual therapy should be encouraged for those struggling with some kind of mental illness, especially depression.  Let’s destigmatize therapy so more individuals reach out for help when needed. Please, if you know someone who needs help or if you are struggling don’t hesitate to seek individual treatment.  If it’s an emergency and you feel like taking your life call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. I’m here to help. Call today at (312)595-1787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com

 

Working Out and Mental Health

Posted on May 23, 2018 at 2:34 pm in Depression Counseling Chicago, Family Counseling Chicago, Individual Coaching & Counseling, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago, Personal growth Chicago

Working Out and Mental Health

Activity leads to a leaner, healthier body. But how much do we really talk about how physical activity affects our mental health. Exercise along with individual therapy helps move you along in the process of emotional regulation as well as a heightened self-esteem. Research now supports what many therapists have known for years – that working out leads to better psychological health.

It’s true that many people participate in physical activity in order to maintain their muscle mass, for a trimmer self, for weight loss or for cardio health. All of these reasons for working out make absolute sense. They provide great results for the individuals participating in the activities.

However, you don’t see or hear advertisements talking about how much exercise benefits your mental health. The drug companies push medication for treating depression and anxiety. These companies don’t say that exercise doesn’t help rather they just don’t mention that in some studies exercise and individual therapy can be as beneficial as some medication regimes. I’m not suggesting here that you dump your meds for marathon training. I would never go against what your doctor has recommended for your treatment. Instead, I’m suggesting that if you’re not already on meds why not try a different route and begin exercising along with individual therapy.

If you already work out I’m sure you’ve experienced the endorphin “high” that can be experienced after a hard workout. This reaction highlights how much a good work out can lift your mood. The positive emotional effects are more than just a one- time response; rather, regular exercise has positive long term implications for one’s mood.

Working out helps ameliorate depression, anxiety and anger alike. The added energy boost helps us face difficult emotional tasks with more energy and a clearer mind. Working out helps to externalize the more intense emotions we feel like anger and anxiety. Physical activity along with individual counseling also helps brighten moods for those who struggle with depression.

The benefits of working out often lasts for the remainder of the day. It can also help us sleep more deeply at night which also assists in mood control. Physical activity in addition with individual therapy works extremely well.

When physical activity isn’t enough to help you deal with your anxiety, depression or other troublesome emotions try adding individual therapy to your weekly schedule. Don’t hesitate to seek help. Call Dr. Goschi today to schedule your first individual therapy appointment at barbara@drgoschi.com or (312)595-1787.

Good Bye Mom!

Posted on May 11, 2018 at 11:34 am in Family Counseling Chicago, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago, Personal growth Chicago, Personal Growth Counseling

Good Bye Mom!

Mother’s Day is right around the corner and for many of us it is bittersweet. Although we love the attention from our kids and husband this may be the first year that we are without our wonderful mothers. We think back to all of the times we spent with them over the years and wonderful holidays spent together. For many this year will be so very different without her!

Life’s journey at times seems extremely difficult. We pass through various stages, sometimes excited, other times filled with dread. Becoming a mother for the first time results in joy. You recall sharing your enthusiasm and fears of being a new mother with your mom who offered great words of wisdom and encouragement.

No one could put us at ease like our mother could. No one loved us unconditionally like our mother. This is probably the first thing many people experience with the loss of a mother. “Who will love me even at my worst?” Only a mother (or father) can love their offspring throughout life unconditionally.

For some of us being in therapy has been the first and only place where we’ve felt accepted and understood; especially those from dysfunctional families. Although more the exception than the rule, most of these individuals benefit from individual therapy as a way to work through their loss.

Some individuals lose their moms early in their life before really getting to know them well enough to form an adult relationship with them. They don’t know what it’s like to have a friendship with one’s mom. These individuals come to rely on themselves for what some of us luxuriously have been able to get from our mother. Yet, sometimes their personality’s formed around grief making them prone to depression. Individual therapy of course helps these people as well.

Today, many middle aged individuals are losing their Mothers to debilitating diseases such as Alzheimer’s. My knowledge comes from various sources: a mother who died from the disease, treating individuals, and reading several books on the topic. One such book I’ll be quoting today is Alzheimer’s from A to Z, written by Jytte Lokvig and Dr. John Becker. This book outlines many topics and offers some resources for those seeking groups or treatment options.

As young adults we don’t think about roles changing with our parents. No one tells us about the arduous journey that we may have to embark on with aging parents. Especially, if we’ve had a fairly healthy, loving relationship with them. Feeling alone and confused profoundly affects our relationships and even our work. Individual counseling can help you emerge from your isolation.

Not many individuals demonstrate expertise in treating dementia. Very few clients seek treatment for themselves while caring for their aged parents. Although it totally makes sense for a person to seek individual therapy for just such issues. I believe that individuals don’t seek help because they feel ashamed of what they’re feeling. They feel guilty about secretly wishing they didn’t have to spend so much time with their aging parents. They end up feeling like they have another child. Now that new found free time that they fantasizing about completely vanishes. What type of daughter/son wouldn’t spend their free time helping their ailing mother?

Instead, the person prays (if one believes in God) that their parent passes quietly in the night. These thoughts lead to guilt. “How can I possibly think something so awful?” While some might say, “At least you still have your mom.” Alzheimer’s hijacks the individual we once knew as our mom replacing them with an abusive, badly behaved stranger.

Those of us living through this nightmare know the sleepless nights spent not rocking a wonderful baby to sleep but dealing with a hallucinating parent. Nighttime is particularly difficult with Alzheimer’s patients as outlined by Lokvig and Becker, 2004 (Alzheimer’s A to Z). Their depression, known as “Sundowners,” worsens as the evening goes on. Combative behavior increases as their fears mount. For others, they begin hallucinating seeing strangers in their home. Some won’t have any idea where they are even though they’ve lived there for most of their married life.

After an evening of this you feel exhausted. Feelings of anger and resentment can be followed again by guilt. Lokvig and Becker point out that people may think you were a saint. You can’t help but think “If you only knew how frustrated I became or how much I wanted to escape.”

“It’s very hard for us to talk about these ‘dark’ thoughts or even admit to ourselves that we harbor them. … You cannot help but feel burdened with the task you’ve taken on, and you may find yourself envious and resentful of your siblings or friends who are free to pursue their own lives” (Lokvig and Becker, 2004).

Perhaps caregivers don’t seek therapy for the disturbing feelings that we experience, especially the guilt and the shame. Rather, a person should realize that these feelings are absolutely normal. I would highly recommend that individuals seek therapy and help dealing with their parent’s disease. Therapy helps the person realize that they’re not a bad person for having such difficult emotions and instead focus on all that your mother was, the good she gave you and that we did our best.

You need time to refuel to feel good about your life to remember the person that you loved rather than your diseased parent. Please don’t suffer through this alone. Therapy can be so very beneficial. Call today (312)595-1787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com

Tending to Your Relationship

Posted on February 10, 2018 at 5:11 pm in Add some romance to your relationship this Valentine's Day, Couples Counseling Chicago, Divorce and Infidelity Counseling, Family Counseling Chicago, Relationship Issues Counseling, Sex Therapy Counseling

Tending to Your Relationship

Over time the luster of your relationship may dwindle. Keeping passion alive in your marriage requires some effort. This advice sometimes sounds counter intuitive especially if the couple have been together for a long time. It makes sense to tend to your marriage whether together one year of fifty.

I remind my clients that even though they’ve been together a long time that personal needs and desires can and often do change. In fact, adjustments in personal needs can profoundly impact the tenor of a relationship. Couples counseling helps the couple learn how to express their evolving needs, feelings, hopes and dreams.

Couples talks can lead to arguments. Many couples fight repeatedly over the same issues. Couples counseling can help disrupt dysfunctional marital patterns. How a couple argues may contribute to the conflict. New skills acquired in therapy help the couple stop the destructive cycle.

Busy working couples find it extremely hard to make time for themselves let alone each other. Sometimes attending couple’s therapy is the only time couples make for each other. There’s just something wrong with this picture. Rather, schedule time to nurture your relationship. I often ask couples to institute a date night to help move things along.

Couples counseling helps get at the underlying issues that add to your marriage’s negative spiral. Counseling teaches each person how to listen and communicate better about what really matters rather than fighting over issues that tend to tear the relationship down. Sex can even start happening on a regular basis when the other conflicts are being taken care of.

It’s never too late to attempt to fix your marriage. Your relationship deserves your utmost attention. Put your marriage on equal par with your parenting and/or your career plans. Yes, it’s that important! As always I’m here to help. Call Dr. Goschi today at (312)595-12787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com

Opioid Crisis and Children

Posted on January 22, 2018 at 7:55 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Depression Counseling Chicago, Family Counseling Chicago, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago

The Opioid Crisis and Children

This month’s American Psychological Association’s journal “Monitor on Psychology” has an interesting article written by Lorna Collier on the population that is perhaps most profoundly affected by the opioid addiction in our country. Very often kids who grow up in families with one or both parents addicted to opioids often end up in foster homes. “Parental substance use was cited as a factor in about 32% of all foster placements, a rise of 10% from 2005” (Monitor on Psychology, January 2018).

Foster homes although sounding like a safe place for kids lead to further problems for children. These children often move through the system for years. Going from one home to another. The children in foster care may also be separated from their siblings. The “lucky” children stay in one home with foster parents who actually look after their interests and are willing to keep siblings together.

“Lucky” children from addicted households end up with families that grow to love them and eventually want to adopt the child(ren) if parents don’t recover. However, foster homes are not created equal. Some foster homes provide excellent care while others offer the bare minimum. I’ve heard and witnessed so many incidents with foster care children where they feel lost, abandoned and even abused setting them up for life long struggles.

How do we change this problem? Of course, we have to have better treatment for the opioid epidemic in our country. The article in “Monitor on Psychology” has some good ideas. They talk about how a child does far better when they stay with their parents even when those situations are highly dysfunctional. Instead, we should look for ways to provide the families counseling. Perhaps more active participation in the home through home visits and expecting parents to be engaged in active treatment. Children always do better when they stay with their family. Kids advance in life if they learn how to cope with the difficulties facing them at an early age through individual and family counseling. We should be providing them with empathy and warm, nurturing place to talk about their issues while teaching them how to self-advocate. Individual therapy can help these children grow into successful adults.

If you or a loved one is dealing with an opioid crisis please call Dr. Goschi for addictions counseling, individual counseling or family therapy at (312)595-1787. I’m here to help!