The disturbing documentary about Michael Jackson, “Leaving Neverland,” featured the abuse story of two men now in their thirties. What I found most tragic was their inability to acknowledge their childhood abuse until later in life. These brave men finally came out and spoke courageously about their abuse. It took Michael’s death to make it safe for them to finally talk about what they had endured for years.
Believe it or not the above-mentioned scenario is all too common among male victims. Young men think that some how they are to blame for the abuse. They say, “I should have fought back.” The men believe, even as adults, that they should have stopped the abuse. After all they are “boys!” It sometimes takes many years for a male victim to understand that they were targets of a pedophile. As children these boys possessed little to no power over their assailant.
Victims in some cases, enjoyed their sexual experiences causing them to feel shame preventing them from telling a parent. Some male victims believe they would get in trouble from their parents or others if they came forward. Michael Jackson allegedly manipulated his victims into believing they would also end up incarcerated should they disclose the abuse.
Todays “#me too” movement does not include many comments from men. The statistics point to one in four girls are abused while believed to be one in ten for boys. My belief is that boys are abused in equivalent numbers. I think that sometimes boys are exposed to equally dangerous sexual situations. Sexual predators count on the fact that “boys don’t tell.”
I have seen a preponderance of men who have been abused as children. Often their wives bring their husbands in for sex therapy. Sexual abuse has profound effects on the expression of an individual’s sexuality as well as their libido. The other common response to abuse is hypersexuality expressed either online or with multiple partners.
If you or your partner is struggling with issues due to abuse Dr. Goschi is here to help. She can be reached by email or by phone at barbara@drgoschi.com or (312)595-1787. Call today to start your healing.