Dr. Goschi's Blog

Addiction and Defenses

Posted on August 24, 2018 at 1:55 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Addiction Therapy Chicago, Cyber-sex addiction Counseling Chicago, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago

Many sex addict’s actions confuse those around them. It seems that at times they completely deny that they have a problem instead blaming others for their actions. The addicted individual often places responsibility for his/her behaviors on their spouse, bad marriage, negative feelings, or bad job. Overall, the person finds it difficult to take responsibility for their actions.

It seems obvious to other’s that the sex addict experiences severe problems. In individual therapy a spouse or significant other often discloses their confusion. “Why does it mean so much to them?” or “How can they allow the sex addiction to take priority over me and the kids?” Some sex addicts lose everything to maintain their addictive behavior.

Most sexual addicts have been exposed to early life trauma . Dr. Christine Courtois defines trauma as “… any event or experience that is physically and/or psychologically overwhelming to the exposed individual.” These varied traumatic events set the stage for resorting to destructive behavior later in life. The addict learns poor coping mechanisms and often repeats the trauma by acting out as an adult. However, it is during these very difficult times in their childhood that the addict learns to use primitive defense mechanisms. Sex addict’s use primitive defensive structures to “protect” them from seeing or acknowledging their addictive behavior. The defenses that protected them as a child now are considered destructive.

What are these defense mechanisms? Perhaps the most primitive of all is denial. The sex addict acts as if the painful event (memory or emotion) does not exist. “I’m not feeling anxious because of my addiction rather it’s because my job sucks.” Twelve step programs often deal with breaking through the denial to help the addict take ownership of one’s own behavior. Individual therapy also helps the addict acknowledge their use of denial to continue the destructive life style.

Regression is another primitive defense used by addicts. The regressive behaviors of the addict resemble actions of a much younger person. They become clingy or dependent on others rather than relying on themselves to solve the problem. In contrast, adults rely on themselves and view others as equals. Addicts sometimes find this process difficult as they need so much themselves.

Most of us familiar with addictions understand the defensive acting-out that constantly occurs. The sexual acting out temporarily ends the painful emotions associated with the underlying addiction. However, when the acting out ends the guilt and shame associated with the sexual behavior overwhelm the individual. Individual therapy helps address the underlying issues and the triggers associated with these acting out behaviors.

Individuals who exhibit the strongest history of childhood trauma survive the memories by acting as if they are someone else. As adults they have a disconnected view of themselves. The addict’s “created self” does not suffer from the same problems. This defense mechanism is known as dissociation. The defensive behavior provides them with a temporary escape.

Individual treatment along with a 12 step sex addiction group helps the individual confront their behavior. Rather than engaging in the above mentioned primitive defense mechanisms the individual learns new means of coping with their strong emotions. Ideally, the individual will learn how to identify their feelings and tolerate them while acquiring new ways of expressing themselves. For example, clients learn to become more assertive and replace their negative behaviors with healthier more gratifying means of coping with the complexities of their lives.

If you or someone you love struggles with sex addiction don’t hesitate to call Dr. Goschi for an individual therapy appointment. She can be reached directly at (312)595-1787 or by email at barbara@drgoschi.com

Working Out and Mental Health

Posted on May 23, 2018 at 2:34 pm in Depression Counseling Chicago, Family Counseling Chicago, Individual Coaching & Counseling, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago, Personal growth Chicago

Working Out and Mental Health

Activity leads to a leaner, healthier body. But how much do we really talk about how physical activity affects our mental health. Exercise along with individual therapy helps move you along in the process of emotional regulation as well as a heightened self-esteem. Research now supports what many therapists have known for years – that working out leads to better psychological health.

It’s true that many people participate in physical activity in order to maintain their muscle mass, for a trimmer self, for weight loss or for cardio health. All of these reasons for working out make absolute sense. They provide great results for the individuals participating in the activities.

However, you don’t see or hear advertisements talking about how much exercise benefits your mental health. The drug companies push medication for treating depression and anxiety. These companies don’t say that exercise doesn’t help rather they just don’t mention that in some studies exercise and individual therapy can be as beneficial as some medication regimes. I’m not suggesting here that you dump your meds for marathon training. I would never go against what your doctor has recommended for your treatment. Instead, I’m suggesting that if you’re not already on meds why not try a different route and begin exercising along with individual therapy.

If you already work out I’m sure you’ve experienced the endorphin “high” that can be experienced after a hard workout. This reaction highlights how much a good work out can lift your mood. The positive emotional effects are more than just a one- time response; rather, regular exercise has positive long term implications for one’s mood.

Working out helps ameliorate depression, anxiety and anger alike. The added energy boost helps us face difficult emotional tasks with more energy and a clearer mind. Working out helps to externalize the more intense emotions we feel like anger and anxiety. Physical activity along with individual counseling also helps brighten moods for those who struggle with depression.

The benefits of working out often lasts for the remainder of the day. It can also help us sleep more deeply at night which also assists in mood control. Physical activity in addition with individual therapy works extremely well.

When physical activity isn’t enough to help you deal with your anxiety, depression or other troublesome emotions try adding individual therapy to your weekly schedule. Don’t hesitate to seek help. Call Dr. Goschi today to schedule your first individual therapy appointment at barbara@drgoschi.com or (312)595-1787.

Good Bye Mom!

Posted on May 11, 2018 at 11:34 am in Family Counseling Chicago, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago, Personal growth Chicago, Personal Growth Counseling

Good Bye Mom!

Mother’s Day is right around the corner and for many of us it is bittersweet. Although we love the attention from our kids and husband this may be the first year that we are without our wonderful mothers. We think back to all of the times we spent with them over the years and wonderful holidays spent together. For many this year will be so very different without her!

Life’s journey at times seems extremely difficult. We pass through various stages, sometimes excited, other times filled with dread. Becoming a mother for the first time results in joy. You recall sharing your enthusiasm and fears of being a new mother with your mom who offered great words of wisdom and encouragement.

No one could put us at ease like our mother could. No one loved us unconditionally like our mother. This is probably the first thing many people experience with the loss of a mother. “Who will love me even at my worst?” Only a mother (or father) can love their offspring throughout life unconditionally.

For some of us being in therapy has been the first and only place where we’ve felt accepted and understood; especially those from dysfunctional families. Although more the exception than the rule, most of these individuals benefit from individual therapy as a way to work through their loss.

Some individuals lose their moms early in their life before really getting to know them well enough to form an adult relationship with them. They don’t know what it’s like to have a friendship with one’s mom. These individuals come to rely on themselves for what some of us luxuriously have been able to get from our mother. Yet, sometimes their personality’s formed around grief making them prone to depression. Individual therapy of course helps these people as well.

Today, many middle aged individuals are losing their Mothers to debilitating diseases such as Alzheimer’s. My knowledge comes from various sources: a mother who died from the disease, treating individuals, and reading several books on the topic. One such book I’ll be quoting today is Alzheimer’s from A to Z, written by Jytte Lokvig and Dr. John Becker. This book outlines many topics and offers some resources for those seeking groups or treatment options.

As young adults we don’t think about roles changing with our parents. No one tells us about the arduous journey that we may have to embark on with aging parents. Especially, if we’ve had a fairly healthy, loving relationship with them. Feeling alone and confused profoundly affects our relationships and even our work. Individual counseling can help you emerge from your isolation.

Not many individuals demonstrate expertise in treating dementia. Very few clients seek treatment for themselves while caring for their aged parents. Although it totally makes sense for a person to seek individual therapy for just such issues. I believe that individuals don’t seek help because they feel ashamed of what they’re feeling. They feel guilty about secretly wishing they didn’t have to spend so much time with their aging parents. They end up feeling like they have another child. Now that new found free time that they fantasizing about completely vanishes. What type of daughter/son wouldn’t spend their free time helping their ailing mother?

Instead, the person prays (if one believes in God) that their parent passes quietly in the night. These thoughts lead to guilt. “How can I possibly think something so awful?” While some might say, “At least you still have your mom.” Alzheimer’s hijacks the individual we once knew as our mom replacing them with an abusive, badly behaved stranger.

Those of us living through this nightmare know the sleepless nights spent not rocking a wonderful baby to sleep but dealing with a hallucinating parent. Nighttime is particularly difficult with Alzheimer’s patients as outlined by Lokvig and Becker, 2004 (Alzheimer’s A to Z). Their depression, known as “Sundowners,” worsens as the evening goes on. Combative behavior increases as their fears mount. For others, they begin hallucinating seeing strangers in their home. Some won’t have any idea where they are even though they’ve lived there for most of their married life.

After an evening of this you feel exhausted. Feelings of anger and resentment can be followed again by guilt. Lokvig and Becker point out that people may think you were a saint. You can’t help but think “If you only knew how frustrated I became or how much I wanted to escape.”

“It’s very hard for us to talk about these ‘dark’ thoughts or even admit to ourselves that we harbor them. … You cannot help but feel burdened with the task you’ve taken on, and you may find yourself envious and resentful of your siblings or friends who are free to pursue their own lives” (Lokvig and Becker, 2004).

Perhaps caregivers don’t seek therapy for the disturbing feelings that we experience, especially the guilt and the shame. Rather, a person should realize that these feelings are absolutely normal. I would highly recommend that individuals seek therapy and help dealing with their parent’s disease. Therapy helps the person realize that they’re not a bad person for having such difficult emotions and instead focus on all that your mother was, the good she gave you and that we did our best.

You need time to refuel to feel good about your life to remember the person that you loved rather than your diseased parent. Please don’t suffer through this alone. Therapy can be so very beneficial. Call today (312)595-1787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com

Opioid Crisis and Children

Posted on January 22, 2018 at 7:55 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Depression Counseling Chicago, Family Counseling Chicago, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago

The Opioid Crisis and Children

This month’s American Psychological Association’s journal “Monitor on Psychology” has an interesting article written by Lorna Collier on the population that is perhaps most profoundly affected by the opioid addiction in our country. Very often kids who grow up in families with one or both parents addicted to opioids often end up in foster homes. “Parental substance use was cited as a factor in about 32% of all foster placements, a rise of 10% from 2005” (Monitor on Psychology, January 2018).

Foster homes although sounding like a safe place for kids lead to further problems for children. These children often move through the system for years. Going from one home to another. The children in foster care may also be separated from their siblings. The “lucky” children stay in one home with foster parents who actually look after their interests and are willing to keep siblings together.

“Lucky” children from addicted households end up with families that grow to love them and eventually want to adopt the child(ren) if parents don’t recover. However, foster homes are not created equal. Some foster homes provide excellent care while others offer the bare minimum. I’ve heard and witnessed so many incidents with foster care children where they feel lost, abandoned and even abused setting them up for life long struggles.

How do we change this problem? Of course, we have to have better treatment for the opioid epidemic in our country. The article in “Monitor on Psychology” has some good ideas. They talk about how a child does far better when they stay with their parents even when those situations are highly dysfunctional. Instead, we should look for ways to provide the families counseling. Perhaps more active participation in the home through home visits and expecting parents to be engaged in active treatment. Children always do better when they stay with their family. Kids advance in life if they learn how to cope with the difficulties facing them at an early age through individual and family counseling. We should be providing them with empathy and warm, nurturing place to talk about their issues while teaching them how to self-advocate. Individual therapy can help these children grow into successful adults.

If you or a loved one is dealing with an opioid crisis please call Dr. Goschi for addictions counseling, individual counseling or family therapy at (312)595-1787. I’m here to help!

Keeping Our 2018 Resolutions

Posted on January 18, 2018 at 2:16 pm in Individual Coaching & Counseling, Individual Counseling, Licensed clinical psychologist Chicago, Relationship Issues Counseling

Keeping Our 2018 Resolutions

Every year many of us set resolutions on New Year’s Eve only to be broken within the first three weeks. What’s happening? Can it be that so many of us have absolutely no resolve to meet the goals that we set for ourselves? Are we just all quitters?

Hardly! Many of us set unrealistic goals that are impossible to meet. Rather we should look at setting more attainable objectives for ourselves. Also, celebrating small achievements that lead to ultimately getting us closer to our targets becomes ever more significant.

So, what to do? Look at the goals that we set. Make sure they aren’t “pie in the sky” ideas. Our desired destination should be attainable. For example, when it comes to weight loss look at what is realistic for you. Not so glamorous but far more reasonable. Let’s say that losing a pound a week can be a highly attainable goal. This would include making some healthy changes to your diet without the severe deprivation that some diets require.

Individual therapy can help you identify what changes need to be made in your life in order to realize your dreams. Whether it’s finding a new job, more balance in your life, to increasing your social contacts. Individual counseling can help you attain these goals by looking at the desired result and work backwards from there (Covey, 1990). Divide the process in to smaller attainable objectives which ideally get you closer to your bigger objective.

Celebrate each achievement you complete along the way. One mistake we often make is when we beat ourselves up for imperfect execution. Maybe we’ve not met one of the benchmarks that we’ve set up for ourselves. Thus, we end up devaluing ourselves as incapable of staying focused on the prize. Individual therapy teaches you to forgive yourself. Counseling helps you look at what interferes with your goal attainment and controls for that going forward. We sometimes learn the most about ourselves through examining our failures. Use your failures as moments for growth.

Good luck in the New Year and may you reach all of your goals. If you need help getting there or have discovered something about yourself that you would like to change don’t hesitate to call Dr. Goschi (312)595-1787 to schedule your individual counseling. I’m here to help!