Dr. Goschi's Blog

Addiction and the Other

Posted on July 23, 2018 at 2:57 pm in Addiction Counseling Chicago, Addiction Therapy Chicago

We seem to exclusively talk about the addict when addressing any addiction, whether it is alcohol, sex, opioids or even social media addictions. In our conversations about the sex addict or alcoholic we forget about “the other.” I’m referring to the family member, wife, child, sibling, or significant other, who often silently deals with the antics of the addict.

“The other” often suffers the most from the addiction. Siblings of an addict witness countless tumultuous events in their lives. Many times the family member’s home life was turned upside down by the addict. These individuals replay stories over and over in their heads. They talk about Holidays during which the day was going well until the addict “ruined” everything. Their memories of the Holiday remain filled with conflict rather than fond recollections and laughter.

The wife, husband, sibling, girlfriend or boyfriend never know what to expect. This makes life so very difficult for all of those around the addict. Their lives are never predictable. They cannot bring friends home because you never know who you are going to get. Thus, the stress levels for everyone else are so very high that home is no longer a soothing environment. Instead, “the other” may prefer to be outside of the home as much as possible.

Fighting is only one part of it. It also involves blame and icy cold relationships as well. Whether sex addiction, alcohol addiction, the addict initially refuses to take responsibility for his or her own actions. Rather, everyone else is the reason why the addict over indulges. On the other hand, apologies might happen and then “the other” feels guilty for having been so hard on the addict.

However we look at this it’s never about “the other.” The addict sucks up all of the oxygen in the room. Either it’s through their outrageous antics, their incredible moodiness, or when they begin recovery it’s all about them. The meetings, the individual therapy, the extreme changes to their life style which again can have a huge impact on the other. You may ask yourself when does this personal hell end? Attending Al Anon meetings helps. Working the 12 steps can be very helpful as well.

“The other” has lived in isolation for so long that reaching out for Individual therapy yourself in conjunction with Alanon can be extremely beneficial. Therapy is a place where it is finally about you not the sex addict or alcoholic. You can say or feel whatever you want and someone will listen to you. You can talk about how crazy your life has felt and receive validation rather than scorn. You can talk about why you’ve stayed and why you still want to stay rather than having someone question you and constantly tell you that you should leave. Individual therapy is finally that place where you can grow as an individual, become the person you have long desired to be without judgment.

If you are finding yourself in the grips of an addictive relationship call to schedule your individual therapy appointment today. Dr. Goschi is there to help. You can reach her at (312)595-1787 or by email at barbara@drgoschi.com.

Stress, Pot and Addiction

Posted on July 16, 2018 at 9:02 pm in Addictions Counseling, Anger Anxiety Counseling Chicago, Anxiety Counseling, Depression Counseling Chicago, Individual Coaching & Counseling, Individual Counseling

Stress, Pot and Addiction

New research in the journal of Abnormal Psychology (May, 2018) highlights how heavy marijuana users deal with stress. Chronic pot smoking leads to an overreaction to stressful situations. Research found that these individuals easily became stressed and unable to problem solve versus moderate consumers. Most pot smokers say they smoke pot to “relax” or escape a stressful job. Perhaps recreational marijuana consumption leads to relaxation but not habitual heavy use.

Researchers Hefner et al from University of Wisconsin in Madison found heightened startle responses to even the anticipation of stress among heavy marijuana users. Heavy pot usage involved daily use sometimes as much as twice a day. This finding contradicts self-reports from fifty percent of pot users that claim marijuana reduces their stress. Why is this important? Because, addiction relapse for many addicts can be traced to the person’s inability to manage stress.

Hefner et al reported physiological responses in abusers. They claim “heavy and chronic (marijuana) use contributes to heightened behavioral and affective response(s) to stressors via central nervous system…” Indeed, these “stress neuroadaptations” result in poor emotional reactions to stress. Maladaptive responses escalate even more when the individual stops using the drug. Heavy marijuana abuse leads to long term changes in the users central nervous system. This implies that the addict won’t cope well with stress going forward until they make some serious and lasting changes to their lives.

The research supports using the word addict to describe the heavy marijuana abuser as they show signs of addiction. Many debates insist that marijuana does not possess addictive properties. Yet, withdrawal from pot shares many similarities to other addictions, “marijuana withdrawal syndrome … involves increased affective symptoms (irritability, anger or aggression, nervousness or anxiety)…” It becomes a viscous cycle for the abuser, one of an inability to cope with stress leading to mounting stress resulting in increased drug usage. Minimal indulgence in marijuana (only occasional use), did not show greater reactivity to stress.

How can individual therapy help the marijuana abuser/addict? Therapists should help the individual identify personal stressors. These events may involve finances, housing and/or relationships. Therapy should target these stressors by teaching better coping skills to minimize the impact of the stressor. Individual addiction therapy helps individuals “reshape” their environment while maximizing lifes predictability. Attending NA meetings and working the 12 steps is enormously beneficial in maintaining sobriety. Individual therapy assists the individual work through fears and anxiety which trigger the addictive response.

If you are struggling with addiction Dr. Goschi can help. Call today to set up your individual appointment at (312)595-1787 or email at barbara@drgoschi.com.

Sunday Scaries

Posted on July 6, 2018 at 3:27 pm in Anxiety Counseling, Depression Counseling Chicago, Money and Power Issues Counseling, Personal growth Chicago
PHOTO CREDIT: heartmanblog.com

PHOTO CREDIT: heartmanblog.com

Sunday Scaries By Victoria Mooncotch

The Sunday Scaries are a relatively new brand of anxiety developing in young adults after the freedom of the weekend. Usually coupled with a hangover and lack of memory from the night before, millennials fuel the Scaries with anxiety about the upcoming week questioning: “What am I even doing with my life?” Like clockwork the first day of the week causes an uproar in online posts that are paired with funny memes or gifs, creating a slight confusion on whether The Scaries are just a comical social media fad or if they should be listed in the DSM-5. Bukowski, a poet widely known for being extremely pessimistic, might have gotten something right when he said “Sundays kill more men than bombs” with this one. If the overindulging causes strife and worry perhaps individual therapy can help curb your alcohol induced anxiety. The joy can stay in Sunday Funday!

Psychology Today online cites anxiety as “anticipating disaster, often worrying excessively about health, money, family, or work. Sometimes, just the thought of getting through the day.” Sounds similar, doesn’t it? The Sunday Scaries are the anticipation of the week to come that is infiltrated with worry, irrational curiosity, and an inability to complete ordinary tasks. This brand of severe anxiety even robs you of your ability to focus. Grandex Labs, who has a once a week podcast on the topic, has described the feeling as “Knowing you can do everything right, but still having a dark cloud of ‘What the hell is going on’ hanging over your head.” This can lead to some major questioning of individual happiness. The key to answering those major questions might just be to outline the difference between anticipation and anxiety. When you lead with anticipation you’re ready to take the Sunday bull by the horns, but when you lead with anxiety you’ll sow self-doubt into everything you do. Again, talking in counseling helps to not only lift your mood but also your self-esteem.

While it might be easier to hide raw emotions behind a funny meme, it’s time to get serious on how we deal with anxiety. Anxiety disorders affect 40 million adults in the U.S., yet less than 40% receive individual counseling (ADAA). Not to mention a hard night of binge drinking doesn’t really help the issue either. If you are having a hard time identifying what leads you to happiness or a path for knowing what is actually going on, it’s time to seek help! Individual therapy gives you someone on the outside of it all who will help you explore and answer all of those irrational questions Sunday makes you ask. You won’t only feel that dark cloud of the unknown start to dissipate, you’ll also uncover and get through what all that anxiety is really about. Although there may be comfort in knowing you’re not the only one online having a case of the Sunday Scaries, you won’t be alone in facing them with a therapist either. See, Sunday isn’t so scary after all. Dr. Goschi can help call to schedule a meeting at (312)595-1787 or email her at barbara@drgoschi.com