Posted on August 2, 2011 at 9:25 am in
Advice
How do we survive constant change? It seems that the environment in which we live in is filled with constant crisis and uncertainty. You cannot turn on the news without being bombarded with negativity. Yes, I realize that the news often tends to focus on the negative rather than the positive happenings. However, it seems to me that the news is supercharged with horrible new realities each day. From unemployment rising to skyrocketing food prices.
So, what are the emotional and psychological effects that I am seeing in my office. I am seeing more anxiety than I can ever remember. It is especially true of my individual clients who are over 40. As I was driving home the other evening my son and I witnessed the aftermath of a 59 year old man having taken his own life by jumping in front of a Metra train. Unfortunately, this behavior has become an all to frequent occurrence. So, what gives?
For a person to have a general sense of well being there needs to be a certain level of predictablity. Middle age individuals tend to be less likely to want to take risks. Rather, people tend to become creatures of habit. We tend to engage in the same rituals day after day. We fold our towels the same way, buy similar groceries from the store, call the same friends, practice the same religious belief and even have sex in the same position.
While this may strike some as boring to many others it symbolizes comfort. I believe that what I am seeing today is a severe erosion of esteem, confidence and comfort for many individuals in their middle years. Middle aged individuals are questioning whether they still add value to society. I think it stems from so many middle aged individuals having lost their jobs. To this individual, their jobs were not just careers but came to represent identity. Just think about how you describe yourself at a dinner party? Do you at some point talk about what you do for a living?
As always I like to point out the possible solutions. I believe it is important in times like these to focus on what we have accomplished rather than what we are missing. No one can take that away. During stressful and unpredictable times in our life we need to meet our needs more dilligently. For example, relying on our friends and family to highlight our sense of worth. People forget to go to others for support – it really does make a difference. Additionally, lean on whatever faith you have had in your past. It is amazing how much this can lead to solace. Lastly, don’t forget to exercise and eat healthy. Exercise can release those endorphins and eating healthy keeps the stress from damaging our immune systems. And, if these tactics don’t work there is always therapy. Even a short stint in your psychologist’s office can help you right the ship.
Don’t forget that help is just a phone call away. Call Dr. Goschi now at (312)595-1787 or email me at barbara@drgoschi.com
Posted on March 17, 2011 at 6:18 pm in
Advice
The buzz words out of Washington today are all about cutting back on Entitlements. It isn’t significant whether I agree or disagree. What strikes me about this struggle is deeper than just budget cuts. Let’s face it, any of us who run a household know how to do budget cuts. However, it seems to me a metaphor of deeper psychological issues with which a large portion of our society suffer from. It is known as feelings of entitlement. Let me explain.
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Posted on March 9, 2011 at 11:00 am in
Advice
Northwestern University’s undergraduate Human Sexuality class “offered” students a live demonstration of exhibitionism. I believe that most individuals are shaking their heads upon hearing the news. I wonder what caused Professor Bailey’s poor judgement and the school mistakinly endorsing this demonstration. I’m afraid that this incident simply highlights the rampant pathology expressed by our culture, in particular, lack of boundaries and “anything goes mentality.” To be sure this ideology is a slippery slope. I wrote earlier about social networks and in some ways this demonstration highlights the lack of boundaries so many individuals exhibit. It reminds me of a live feed of a woman who simply filmed herself all day long and put the feed up on the Internet. She filmed herself doing everything even using the bathroom. And, it is amazing to me how many people watched.
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Posted on February 28, 2011 at 10:29 pm in
Advice
Watching the movie “The Social Network” has prompted quite a bit of discussion lately. I openly admit that the Internet and the social meetings that occur have brought people together in a way that we would never think possible. Indeed, it seems that “Facebook” can be credited with the beginning of the protests that led to the downfall of the tyranny in Tunisia. The youth shared information with each other over the Internet that would help their political cause. There are many other positive possibilities that have come from socially connecting on the Internet.
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Posted on February 21, 2011 at 9:50 pm in
Advice
Please forgive me for being so delinquent with my blogs. However, we lost my mother-in-law this fall and my gosh it takes so much time to recover. Grief is a strange part of living. We all know that we will experience death in our lives but never quite expect how hard it will be to have courage during the process and the courage to recover afterwards.
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Posted on July 31, 2010 at 9:53 am in
Advice
My 12 year old son came home two weeks ago after having a terrifying experience. He was riding his bicycle home after camp. There was a man in a car who followed him home most of the way. Fortunatley, my son had the presence of mind to find a family ahead of him with whom he shared his dilemma. He road his bicycle with this family for a while until he felt safe. Meanwhile, I was waiting at home for him to arrive from camp becoming ever more nervous because he wasn’t answering his phone and was late.
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Posted on June 30, 2010 at 10:34 pm in
Advice
While in Disney this June my husban and the boys were watching an old rerun of “My Three Sons.” How patient and wonderful Mr. Douglas was with his three boys and a single dad to boot.
On the remainder of our vacation I had the pleasure of observing many fathers with their children. It reinforced for me just how important fathers relationships are with their children. Most dads were carrying thier younger children through the park by the end of the day. And, to be honest, I didn’t see one frowning face.
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Posted on May 9, 2010 at 10:33 am in
Advice
Mothers are a mixed group of women. We are from all walks of life, diverse nationalities and race, different socioeconomic groups and various faiths. The one thing we do have in common is loving our children.
As a group, we are often bad about taking time for ourselves; other than on mother’s day. I would like to encourage you to make yourself a priority from today forward. As one of my girlfriends said to me, “Let’s make Mother’s Day everyday.” I agree. We should learn to celebrate ourselves daily.
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Posted on April 20, 2010 at 10:15 am in
Advice
Conflict around money is a common isssue discussed in my office. Chaotic financial times can worsen money problems. It is my experience that the way a couple communicates about finances says a lot about the openness, balance of power, and personality style of the couple.
Couples tend to deal with money issues in several different ways. They may be very open and discuss their finances in a candid fashion. This approach tends to revolve around problem solving and mutual respect. Other marriages view money as a means to control the partner. This style results in one spouse feeling angry. Or, I’ve seen the couples where neither one takes care of finances and their lives spin out of control. Lastly, I’ve seen the estranged couple where they don’t talk about money and everything they own is separate.
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Posted on April 6, 2010 at 3:33 pm in
Advice
Never mind the bullying in the classroom. The Internet has replaced that with a new, more serious form of bullying. Young children – middle school- on up are spending more time on the Internet. Most of the kids on face book or other social networks on the web would describe their experiences as enjoyable. However, it doesn’t take long for seemingly harmless interactions to become seriously damaging. Viral is the term used to describe Internet communications that spread rapidly. One negative comment can become hundreds. To the vulnerable child these condemning communications can become extremely overwhelming.
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