Dealing with loss in the New Year
Having lost someone in 2017 shapes the way we view the New Year. We view everything through the lense of loss. Rather than looking forward to upcoming events we see these functions as sorrowful, even meaningless. “It’s the first celebration without them.” Which, of course, diminishes the occasion.
Feelings of sadness, anger, denial, isolation and sometimes guilt rule our days. While experiencing these painful emotions can help us move through the grief process we need appropriate outlets so we don’t get stuck in any one of these stages (Kubler-Ross, 1969). We want to eventually get to a place of acceptance so we can heal and once again tolerate positive emotions. Guilt over feeling happy can interfere with our receptivity to love and support from others. Try to open yourself to others kind works and gestures of love.
Normalizing your life helps you get beyond the grief. Fill your life with plenty of positive activities. Partaking in exercise, work, dinners with family move us forward. Look for those situations that allow you to find balance between felling, self-expression and acceptance. If we dwell only on the loss this keeps us stuck in the process of grieving.
Allow yourself to feel. We move through various emotions while grieving. Not surprisingly we feel sad one day and perhaps angry the next. Embrace the fact that while grieving we feel many complex emotions which constantly fluctuate.
Don’t hesitate to call friends who can offer an empathic ear. People worry that reaching out too often will burden their relationships. True intimate relationships have a large capacity for love and empathy. If you experience rejection when attempting to reach out then you probably need to assess the health of your friendships.
Lastly, be kind to yourself in 2018. You will find your way out of the emotional fog. Be patient it takes time to heal. If you need more help don’t hesitate to call! Dr. Goschi is here to help (312)595-1787.