Dreading the Holidays? Why? Maybe because spending time with your family and friends only increases stress in your life. Perhaps you feel you must put on a happy face to hide personal or marital conflict. Needing to hide conflict can be extremely stressful.
What to do when you don’t feel comfortable sharing your conflict with family members. There are better ways of coping with the stress of these events rather than avoiding the occasions completely. Holiday parties are hardly the place to discuss issues with which you are struggling. To the contrary, this is a time to share joy and reconnect with others in your family.
For example, in advance of the Holidays decide which activities you would like to participate in. Do not be bullied or guilted into attending parties or events that cause you anxiety or make it difficult for you to continue to cope. Select only those events that bring you pleasure.
Sometimes it’s not the event that is stressful but an individual. In those situations, make sure you and your partner have talked about how you might best deal with these problematic persons. Use each other as support perhaps even have a safe word or phrase that let’s the other know that you need to escape.
Don’t judge each other for needing help when your great aunt, mother or brother have cornered you or your partner. Each of our needs must be respected at this time of year. For example, put a time limit on how long we want to stay at a potentially stressful party. If you know that the event will be emotionally difficult arrive early and/or leave early. It’s sometimes easier to be the first person at the party. This way everyone says hello to you as they come in rather than being late and then having to go around and say hello to a large group of individuals. Having to “make the rounds” can be extremely difficult if you suffer from social anxiety.
It is also important for you to engage in traditions that make you happy during the Holidays. Start some traditions of your own that don’t involve family members but rather include a close group of friends. This helps fill the season with pleasurable events rather than stressful ones.
Spending time with family at the Holiday is not a hard and fast rule, especially if the emotional cost is too high. For instance, if you’ve recently divorced you don’t have to spend it with your ex and his/her family just to make the children happy. Nothing is worth your wellbeing. Children come to grips with the fact that they won’t have both parents at the same events anymore.
On the other hand, don’t isolate yourself because you don’t like the way your father-in-law makes the turkey. Reasons for skipping family parties should be substantial rather than trivial. Remember that your spouse loves his or her family and usually would love nothing more than if you loved them too.
Enjoy the Holiday season as best you can. Garner support from those who care about you. Look for the joy that can be had during seasonal festivities. And, don’t forget to take care of yourself during what can be a very stressful time.
I look forward to helping you in the coming year! Don’t hesitate to call or email me for an appointment today. You can reach me at barbara@drgoschi.com or call at (312)595-1787.